Recovering Know-it-All

You know that person that always has something "important" to say? That same guy (or girl!) l who causes groans and eye-rolls at the raise of his hand? There's one of them in every class {{and probably at every workplace, in every family, and in every group of friends}} and he acts as if he knows more than the other students, professor, Albert Einstein, and God...

I'm talking about... the dreaded know-it-all.

And often sometimes???

That person is me.

Unfortunately, I've been like this since I was a child just ask my sisters. There's something SO addictive about being "right"! Once you experience the adrenaline rush from seeing/knowing what someone else doesn't, you begin to crave those moments and if you're like me even base your self esteem on them. You start to interject your {unsolicited} thoughts, ideas, opinions and criticisms into any conversation, without regard for the other person's feelings...and when you realize you're actually "wrong"? OHH BOYY, stay out of THAT storm!

I'll be honest with you all right now. For years and years, I have connected my self-worth to my brain (among other unhealthy things like my weight, looks, and clothes... yeah, another conversation for another day!). For some reason, I feel unusually insulted when the people around me don't recognize my intelligence. Therefore, the past year (post-law school) has been sooooooo tough for me. All of a sudden, nobody's impressed by my "smarts" anymore! Without that continuous reassurance from the people around me, I feel lost, discouraged, and frankly, just stupid. When I get argumentative, show-offy, and self-righteous, chances are that I'm just trying to mask my own feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.

Today, I found this passage in James that really resonated with me:

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

** James 3:13-18 (NKJV) **

James teaches us that Godly wisdom is:

pure

peaceable

gentle

willing to yield!

full of mercy

without partiality

not hypocritical

Hmm... does my "know-it-all" behavior sound anything like that?! NO. It actually sounds more like "self-seeking" wisdom:

"earthly"... 

"sensual"... 

"demonic"

In other words... just plain UGLY.

Whoops.

{{random interjection: husband is singing a song he made up right now... "Eye of the Blogger" a la Journey... I'm laughing and it's breaking up my thought process...}}

ANYWAYS.

I realize this is an abrupt place to end and not necessarily the most well-written post, but I just wanted to share my realization with you all! (Not to mention that I don't have a solution - I haven't figured this out yet!) I think we bloggers should do that once in a while - just type out what God is putting on our hearts - without regard for perfect grammar, phrasing, or conclusions.

So grateful for my little corner of the internet and my opportunity to share how God's working in my life :)